I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
