Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
