Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
