Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
