she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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