i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
