just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
