I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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