I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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