names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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