so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it