Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.