She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.