he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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