Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
