You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
