I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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