You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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