i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
