i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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