I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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