you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
