I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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