I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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