I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
