KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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