Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
