people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
