Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
