I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize