Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
