when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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