I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
