Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
