I just saw a hot homeless man
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
