Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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