The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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