It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
