My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
