i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
