I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
