Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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