Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I need water and some morals
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
