Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
ttyl tear gas
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
