I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
