I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
