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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table

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• (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.

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• (518): View more from New York

  You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June

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• (530): View more from California

  All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?

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• (904): View more from Florida

  It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.

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