Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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