Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
