fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
