took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
