Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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