ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
