Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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