Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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