those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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