They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
