I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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