I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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