it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
