I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
