Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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