She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
