Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
