I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
