A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Houston, we have a blender
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
