Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
