My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
