Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
