Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
