Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
