No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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