all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
