Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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