I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A+ Viking dick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
