There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
