I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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