ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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