if i can run in heels then i can drive
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
