I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
