Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
