you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
