Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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