I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
