You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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