Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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