Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
