The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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