The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
