I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
