I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So much rum. So many feels.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
