We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
