Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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